Pakistan - going backpacker

18 - 22 mai 05

Assalam Aleykum

We wanted to depart from Gilgit quite late after a long session at the internet café and with a allegedly repaired tyre. The workshop people had to put out the tube which was inserted by the last guy on the way to Chitral where we had the 2 punctures. It was too large and made the car drive right on its own. The balance was totally wrong. He also reduced the size of the batch for the same reason. Our car usually has tubeless tyres, but people here can help themselves – and us.
After 20km the air was out again. The 2nd batch was too small, the ventil of the tube destroyed. Change the tyre, back to Gilgit, repair again, stay overnight again and leave early in the morning.
We managed a bit more this day, reached Besham – but only after another tyre problem. They couldn’t open the wheel screws and had to smash them. After 3h and a stroll through the strange, fundamentalistic, womanless city where Steffi and me almost got nothing to eat because we had no man with us. (they were with the car). David just came, when we were already eating. The cook was obviously happy that everything was ok – now as a man was with us. But David left earlier than we did, which made the cook looking even more strange. How can he leave these poor helpless women alone. Can they even pay? – They could.
So we went on with 1 screw less.
In the meantime it was outspoken, that our trip wont work like this – in this constellation. Martin does not want to go on on a “friendly relation” – this would hurt him too much.
I can not go on like this being hurt every other day by his actions. We tried everyday to talk and keep the relation working, but it didn’t work for 2 months. So the only solution I see is that we go separated for some days if we really want to go on together. I need to calm down. I am not the person who gets angry at every time, but I really started feeling very uneasy inside myself. I thought I had found my inner peace in the last 4 years, but this makes me think again.
Since my childhood I have always solved problems on my own if it didn’t work out with the people (and after 2 months I can say it didn’t work out this way), so I want to have some days on my own. I think I can only give 100% if I have 100% - that was not the case as I left.
Martin told me he cant wait for some days, so if I really leave, the relation is finished. I know its finished if I don’t leave – so it seems to be over anyway.
Now I don’t need to hurry after them anymore and I have time here to visit friends. I am really looking forward to easygoing evenings, chatting, playing music, do what ever I like. Not discussing the same thing every evening, no sleep. Sometimes in the morning I even woke up not knowing if it was ok when we felt asleep or not. How to behave? 
So I packed my things in Peshawar, called a reporter who I met in Chitral. He told me which bus to take to Islamabad (need to go there for extending my visa), picked me up, put me to a hotel with big discount, went for dinner with me, gave me a personal email line in his office – all because I read the Koran. No one can be thoroughly bad if s/he reads the holy book.


So I sit in Islamabad, feeling the freedom in my heart and enjoying even more than before – I love this feeling of looking forward to the unknown.
Afterwards I will go to Lahore, then we will see!